This is HARD!!!!

I think that quitting smoking has to be the hardest thing ever!! That little voice in your head that tells you that you're hungry....is the same little voice in your head that tells you that you need a cigarette....and he's VERY vocal!! And then I start to get annoyed because I don't really want a cigarette, but I should HAVE a cigarette.
I stopped taking the chantix when everyone started seeing the side effects of it on TV and would come graciously tell me that I could have a heart attack, or commit suicide, or have a stroke. Heck all I knew was I had gas, it would make me nauseous if I didn't eat a full meal, and I would have some really vivid dreams if I took it too late at night...go figure.
Well, I'm going to be taking them again, because there's no way I can do this cold turkey!

Heck, the other night, my husband fell asleep before me, and I wanted to beat the crap out of him...bad! Then I couldn't fall asleep because I was annoyed, so I was up till around midnight, and I get up at 4am!
Then, normally I can handle stupid people, and the things that they do, and just laugh off their antics...ohhhhhh but not now....now words flow from my mouth that wouldn't normally be said, and I know it hurts their feelings, but right now, I don't care, and I'm not like this!
Not to mention the 4 kids...they've seen their funny, outgoing, caring mom turn into the bitch from hell who would never yell or get snippy, not anymore...I will rip up one side of them, and right back down the other, so they've been avoiding me like the plague and I don't like that....I'm really involved with my kids, and right now, I don't want to be around them..and I am soooo not liking that.

And man o man, let me tell you, when they say that you can taste things after 2 weeks, because you're taste buds come back, they are NOT lying!! I have discovered that I really don't like burger king....that stuff tastes like it was just taken off lighter fluid....I about hurled after I took a bite of my sandwich. I asked my oldest daughter if hers tasted good, and she said "yes, like it always does" and I just stared at her.....blah!! I'm kinda scared to go eat a big mac, what if I don't like that?!!?
I'm not too worried about weight gain...I joined a gym, that way I can work off some of this frustration, until I learn how normal people deal with stress, because I would just go smoke if things bothered me, not anymore...now it festers in my head...and I don't want it to do that.

So, after my husband nicely went and got me a pack of smokes last night, because he doesn't like who I've turned into, and made sure that I had my chantix to start today....all was well last night. Nobody was wounded and they all made it through another night....